Buying life insurance

I keep getting stuck with the same ad on AM radio in my car:

“This is Dan Tullis and on the phone I have…”

“Joel Clark.” Joe sounds like Mickey Mouse. If I say what Tullis sounds like you’ll think I’m spoofing the guy who steps in to substitute for the opening voice on The Shadow back in the 1940s.

And on Clark goes talking up SelectQuote term life insurance brokers. The pitch is always the same. EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT IN PERFECT HEALTH, SelectQuote can get you primo rates.

Now, we know that the criteria are bogus. Everyone has the customer who takes (1) blood pressure meds or (2) antidepressants, but despite these sins against the body politic, they are insurable. Doesn’t that make us feel good? What if you’re you’re on BP meds plus antidepressants? What if you smoke? Don’t you get depressed thinking about that blood pressure issue? Don’t you feel like just going out and committing suicide?

Me? I’m uninsurable and it’s public record. Arrested alcoholic, manic-depressive leaning toward the latter, high blood pressure, Type II diabetic, occasional flatulence. I take Depakote, klonopin, and Abilify. Jesus, am I ever fucked, right? Nobody will insure me and I finally got Family Court in Jersey to figure that out. God knows it took them along enough.My ex still thinks, if she thinks at all, that I’m making it all up. If she were right I’d be living right now as a kept man somewhere near Krakatoa, west of Java.

These snake-oil companies make a big thing out of getting a guy who takes some crap for his depression a policy for under $30 a month. The whole pitch is based on lies and exaggerations. What if he actually lived in modern life and had to face other illness of mind, body, and spirit? They’d suddenly jack up his premiums to where only the late Shah of Iran could afford them. Think Dick Cheney can get insured? Obama, who because he’s Black, is demographically liable to get into at least one knife fight a week?

I used to sell life insurance…term, in fact…and it is a scam of the first order. YOU shop the companies. Figure out what piece SelectQuote is getting and then do your own due diligence. Remember: never but never trust an insurance salesman.

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