I thought of a complicated systems flowchart with tangles and paths that lead nowhere except chaos. The final line is a conclusion: "And then a miracle occurs." That's how Microsoft allegedly pilfers most of its best-selling software.
It means, finally and at long last, that I am owning to a fact of the spirit, namely that I was given this work to do a long time ago, that it was my direction that I do it, and that nothing I have ever done since has given me much satisfaction. It is also a fact that I betrayed a calling and I paid for it.
Not anymore. "I will, with God's help" teach and learn from those whom I teach. At the risk of being pegged as a religious nut, I believe I have been called back to do God's work. It took me over 30 years to figure out that you cannot escape a calling, that like Jonah fleeing from a mission, you will be swallowed by a great fish. So for the first time in years I am standing on dry land, and can only pray that my resolve and good fortune hold.