Speaking of Columbine

A ditty about Eric and Dylan…

KATZENJAMMER COLUMBINE: THE KIDZ ESCAPE TO COCONINO COUNTY WHERE THEY
HIT PASSERS-BY WITH BRICKS AND BULLETS (for Eric Harris & Dylan Klebold)

[Prologue]

Mutterschtupper!
Maybe, Eric, wir lighten das Fuses,
blow der C4 unter der Schoolhaus,
ja, ja! EWIGE VERNICHTUNG, woo-hoo!
Sterben alles, sterben glucklich!

[Das Lied von Eric und Dylan]

Wir sind das jungen Katzenjammer,
wir gecroaken der Kapitan
(er ist unser Vater NICHT, der grosse Schwein!)
und die Frau Mama.
Und die Kinder
und die Teachers.
Das ist ein Cartoon,
aber wir slashen und burnen,
leave not a rack behind!
Wir morder alles, alles!

[Der Sprecher]

Ach! das Katzenjammers, kleine Ungeheuren!
Sure as Hoell: aber ein Candle
nicht holden zu Dylan und Eric,
going nach Valhalla,
Die Gotterdammerung of Littleton,
auf der School Library.
Himmel, diese kinder aus Hans und Fritz!

Denke der Our Gang lynch boys, Spanky pulling
on a Schwartze’s legs to break his neck,
or R. Crumb drawing Charlie Manson
sending out his disciples to do his holy will.

[Das Lied von Eric und Dylan, II, translated into English]

Once too often, tough guys,
we carried the burden for every kid
every victim of the school bully,
we are the secret saints of the insulted,
the injured, the high school kid who
shits himself in fear on the school bus.
Our mistake was shooting the wrong ones,
but no! no wrong ones, even Cassie Bernall
she was a Gospel bully, die all die merrily
or not, just die!

Our revels now are ended.

We invented Zero Tolerance.
We had none.

We are not America, not 1999
not now, we are forestbound beasts,
Georg Buchner walken und sprechen,
die Wasser is Blut, Blut,
good night, Herrgott Teufel, now
turn up the goddamn heat!

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